i really hate being alone

i never thought i'd say it - but i really truly hate being alone.

i don't know if it's dan switching up his work schedule, or me feeling sick lately - but i am extremely lonely. haha - it's either that or i'm very hard to please.

yesterday for example all i could think of was a nice glass of wine. i didn't wanna open a bottle for myself because i didn't wanna seem like an alcoholic, so i waited for my parents to open one. they never did. oh the frustration.

on top of that - i feel as if everyone is busy doing their own thing and i'm just kinda there. oh well. i guess i'm having trouble adapting to all of this "me" time i've been having. everything seems like such a hassle. lol it's so contradicting too because the friends that do ask me to hang out - i end up turning them down because i don't have the energy to go out.

weird.

ok. well i'll keep you updated.

the lagos adventure

Tonight was fun. lol.
It's a long story but it pretty much goes like this -

My mom and I having dinner at Taps for her first time....my mom drinking beer at a restaurant for quite possibly the very first time...then my mom almost falling into the lake @ dos lagos...on our walk there for the very first time. lol.

on a rainy saturday

So after a very indulgent week, I finally went to the gym this morning and I am incredibly sore. I'm trying to focus more on strength training rather than cardio this time around. I figure switching it up a bit can't hurt, right? Yeah, because there's no way I'm gonna turn into some muscle girl anytime soon. I just want to look toned, that's all. Anyway - here's what happened last week -

1. It was New Year's! Whoop-dee-doo! Haha I actually ended up at home, drinking wine with my parents, and then downing a couple (maybe more than a couple I can't remember) xanaxes. So it was pretty uneventful. Why did I stay home? Well I didn't wanna drive anywhere. I don't want to die in a horrible car accident, thank you very much. I've already driven home drunk plenty of times and know just how dangerous it is. I barely trust myself driving, so why should I trust anyone else?
2. New Year's DAY - nothing much this day either. I did go to my uncle's house though and hung out with my cousin for a bit. We had mike's hard (light) cranberry lemonade. lol. If that's not a mouthful, I don't know what is. Anyway, I swear I could've drank the whole six pack and I still would've been ok to drive. Call me an alcoholic. Whatever, it was still fun to get a little bit of a buzz with my underage cousin.
3. Next Day - Work. Hung out with Lilli. Now that night was a lot of fun. We went to Ra's for some sushi and then to Tap's for some beer. And of course, we gossiped at both. Haha. There's something about alcohol and best friends that makes you share practically ANYTHING in a public setting. And when I say ANYTHING, I mean anything and everything! But I guess that's what you look for in a best friend isn't it? Someone who you can talk to without having to censor yourself?
4. Next Day - Work. Work. Work. Dan got all romantical and decided to make homemade pizza. Aww. :) It was actually pretty good. Expensive, but good. I think he spent around 30 dollars on all of the ingredients. Anyway, I also spent some good money that night - 17 dollars on a Pinot Noir. Can you believe it?! The only reason I bought it was because Dan asked for that particular brand (MacMurray). Apparently, however, he thought it was on sale and NOT 17 bucks. Either way - It was good and it went well with the pizza.
5. WORK. I also called CAST (Child Abuse Service Team) and temporarily "quit". Sigh. I feel awful, but I had to. Well, maybe I didn't "have" to, but here's the thing - Brandy's transferring to the Corona office starting next week (long story that I so do not want to get into) and leaving Keith and I high and dry to fend for ourselves. Therefore, I, technically, can't leave Keith by himself on Friday afternoons, which means that I can't volunteer at CAST until we find another receptionist. I know that if I really wanted to volunteer though, I'd find a way. But honestly? I really don't want to. And I know this sounds selfish and horrible, but I need the money. I'm up to my neck in debt so I really can't be giving away my time like it's nothing. Still, I can't help but feel awful for leaving them hanging. oh well.
6. Umm...more to come. :)