honestly though - i haven't had the time to write. well - i have - but i guess i've just been lazy.
either way - my apologies.
so many things have been going on that it would take me all night to write it all.
so i'll just condense it into a few bullet points.
- i finished my fall quarter and did a lot better than any other quarter at UCI - which means that i will no longer be put on academic probation AND i'll be able to enroll in my internship class in the spring.
- dan's grandpa passed away.
- dan's living/monetary situation is now in jeapordy.
- of course - all of this is affecting our relationship in more ways than one. most of all - the "future" part of the relationship (i.e., marriage, kids, education - all that). it's tough because you want to voice your opinion, but at the same you have to restrain yourself because it's a tough time for him. but still - you have to ask yourself - is it ever a good time to talk about these kinds of issues? i really don't know. things are just really iffy. i love him and everything and even though he says he is taking me into consideration in regards to his future - something tells me that it will be full of surprises. he can't help but play super hero to his family...so i'm guessing this time will not be the last. i don't know. it's just weird.
- then don't get me started on his family - despite the whole me not getting along with the "cunada" (who will seemingly never leave) - i still feel like the outsider during family events. his mom is somewhat warm - but ionno - i get the feeling that she tolerates me, but not necessarily likes me. the rest of his family is ok i guess. i don't know - my alienation could be the distance, them, or me. bottom line is that - i feel alienated most of the time and can't WAIT to leave. and then of course if i show this, then i'm the asshole and he'll probably get mad at me for putting on a face.
- sigh. can't you see how complicated this is?!?!?!?!
- and on top of all of this - dan is in serious mourning right now - but it sorta comes and goes - and i just have to be there for him. so he's rightfully depressed, but its something that affects me too you know? i'm just tired tired tired. everything's exhausting.
